Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I am lying in bed trying to recover from whatever illness has befallen me. I took today off from work. I woke up this morning to a fever and chills, bodyaches and an incredibly sore and swollen throat. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of hours. It isn't soon enough.

I hate being sick, not just because it is a pain in the rump, but more because it reminds me of what I don't have. When Eric still lived here, I had someone to take care of me when I was ill. I had someone to go to the store and get me ginger ale. Now, I suffer alone, in silence, with no one. It is a dreadful feeling and even now brings tears to my eyes.

I am sure tomorrow I will feel better, and this feeling of emptiness will wane. However, for now I can't help but feel sorry for myself. I can't help but long for a less lonely time. I will remember to reflect on my current blessings. I will speak out loud the gratitude I feel for my friends and family that worry and care for me. I will muster the strength to go to the store and buy my own bottle of ginger ale and make my own hot tea. I will find satisfaction in that.

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