Hypnosis... I think it's working

 In my late forties, a lot of things are coming together for me.  I am very happy in my career.  Well, actually I think that ends the list.  I can't stick to a long term healthy regiment in food or exercise, I am not financially responsible, I am not the most organized, and my romantic life is a mess.  However, I am fairly positive person.  

Some good mindfulness therapy in my mid 30's really helped me to climb out of a lot of my persistent mental health issues stemming from repeated patterns.  I still work on all of that.  I don't think you ever out grow it, but in my 40's, especially now, my issues are different.  I find myself wanting to be better in ways but the mindfulness is not working to help break these cycles of mine, I just don't beat myself up about it as much.  I am compassionate towards myself for my short comings–for the most part.  Kindness aside, something needs to be done for self improvement.  

Romantically, at the moment, things are in a bit of an upheaval.  My partner of almost 13 years and I are just not clicking in a lot of ways.  They are issues and patterns that we both have that have always been there, but maybe now they are not working for us or we are not willing to just let them be.  I am honestly not sure if we are drifting apart or taking a break or working, which is absolutely part of the problem.  There is a lack of communication and a nebulousness to our relationship definition.  But this post isn't about the problems we have, it is how I want to better me.  So, since this romantic situationship I have going on with my partner isn't humming right now, I am looking for ways to feel and be less attached so I can gain some space from this to really reflect.

Last night, I wanted to meditate or calm or something; I was pretty upset just reeling in all of it–the uncertainty, the frustration, the sadness.  I came inside, got ready for bed, and began scrolling through Spotify to find a hypnosis track.  I have used hypnosis recordings in the past.  I have downloaded different ones over the years from LimeWire, purchased them from Audible, and streamed them through Spotify.  Nothing super serious, more a curiosity and certainly with no consistency.  After several minutes of searching for the right one, I landed on an episode from Joseph Clough's podcast Hypnosis called "Relationship Breakup Hypnosis".  

Description from Spotify:

This  FREE Hypnosis/hypnotherapy mp3 was requested by a person who I belief is very special and deserves a lot of happiness. I was sent an email a week ago or so from this person who has recently gone through a marriage break up as asked for help in overcoming hurt, sadness, depression, anxiety and low self esteem because of recent events. So I recorded this tonight especially for this person. And I am sure, you will also have wonderful thoughts to this person so they can re-ignite their passion, confidence and love for self and life once again.

So here it is my gift to you the Overcome Marriage Breakup Hypnosis/Hypnotherapy

 While I am not in a marriage and to be honest I am not 100% sure if I am going through a breakup right now, this podcast felt right. I was pretty upset about the situation and I needed relief. 

Listening to the ambient music and soothing voice of Clough I began to relax.  As I said, I had done hypnosis recordings before, I knew what mostly to expect.  I felt myself getting heavier and slipping into the conscious sleep where I am open to hear and learn.  Before I knew it, I heard Clough's voice thanking me for joining him and welcoming me to come back to listen to further sessions.

I don't know what happened, what was said, or how it all went down.  I can say, I slept like a log and woke up feeling honestly amazing, positive and motivated.  The worries and sadness and anxiety of yesterday is not following me today.

I am not pretending that I am "cured" or "fixed".  First of all, I am not broken or sick.  I know also, that mental health takes time and attention to practice.  I will forever be working on that part of me, on many parts of me, and one night of listening to a hypnosis track isn't going to make it all better.  I am confirming that after listening to this podcast episode my mental clarity is in check, and I believe that whatever advice Joseph Clough gave my unconscious mind, it was worth its weight.