Sunday, October 18, 2009

One good turn deserves another Part Deux

We last left our heroine, me, wondering who her mystery caller is. A good night sleep and two missed calls from her clandestine beau, and we find her at Bare Bones BBQ where she lunches with her friends Danielle and Hank and Hank's buddy Alex from out of town...

At lunch I am dying to share the message that I have saved on my phone with everyone. The build up of just who this guy is is killing me. My friends ask me all kinds of questions about who I think this guy is and what I am going to do. Alex suggests that this guy is a winner and sounds like he is down to party. I gush. I smile. I can't wait for the next chance I get to try and catch this guy.

That afternoon we all walk around town enjoying the gorgeous day. From time to time I make a passing comment about pajamas, pizza or the Lambada. It was such a sweet day, but even the sweetest rain stops falling.

Later that evening Danielle and I go to the gym to get our sweat on. I am still enthusiastic about Jethro and ask her some advice. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Ok, I have to tell you. It is us. We called you. Alex has this program on his phone where if you call someone, it comes up a different number."

I am sure I had to close my mouth and correct the look of confusion and disbelief before any more was said. I was shocked and embarrassed. Here I went on all day about a man that didn't exist to the people that made him up. The horror. My betrayer asks me if I am mad. I am still reeling from her confession only moments earlier. I am not mad. I am mortified. I realize that I wasn't being made fun of, with some help from Danielle, but more the brunt of a playful trick. However, she and I decide that it is time for the trickee to become the trickster. A plan unfolds to turn the tables on my beloved "Jethro", who by the way is Alex. The next time this feller comes a courtin', he will be getting more than he bargained for.

I spend the rest of the evening with Danielle and her friends and family. As I am driving home, the call I have been waiting for comes in. "Jethro" throws around some small talk and before long he opens the door of revenge opportunity. He asks me with whom I was hanging when he saw me walking around town. I mention names and say nice things about my friends Hank and Danielle. Then I exact my retribution on the unsuspecting. I dive into a diatribe about the rather boorish asshole that has infected my life, Hank's friend Alex. I admit that he suffers from Napoleon complex being that he is all of four foot nothing. I imagine "Jethro's" smile turning quickly into his own look of stupefaction. He probably has me on speaker phone so everyone in the house can be in on the joke, but now the joke is on him. I continue to hurl insults about his questionable sexuality and poor fashion sense. Before I can utter another sentence, my phone goes dead.

By the time I return home and plug in my phone, there is another message on my voice mail. It goes...

I don't know about you all, but it sounds to me like "Jethro" is a little butt hurt. Little boys who play with matches should expect one day they will get burnt.

Sunday at breakfast, in a very anticlimactic moment, I came clean to Alex that I knew it was him. Revenge is a dish definitely best served piping hot. Thanks for looking out for me Danielle, but you do know that I still owe you one too. BWAHAHAHA


Alex said...

I hate to break it to you but the reason is was anticlimactic was because Danielle told me it was you the night before. I was indeed "Butt hur"t from danielle rolling Hank and I under the bus but not from you telling me that I'm short and gay. Both of which are true. Don't worry though I still have your number.

Jennifer said...

It looks to me like Mrs. Danielle threw both of you under the bus and she is sitting pretty in the catbird seat. ;) I can't wait to see what is done about this!!

Robyn said...

Oh Danielle you are so in trouble. Alex let's get our minds together and let the plotting begin.